Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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