JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
