We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
