lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
