i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
