I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
