we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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