I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
That accounts for only three of the penises
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
