she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
