so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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