weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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