I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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