You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
