I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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