Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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