She announced her abortion via fbk
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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