alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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