dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
