so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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