i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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