also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
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