smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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