Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize