nut hugger
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
