I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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