so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
