I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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