I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
