it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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