Where are you?
In a non slutty way
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
