ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
