Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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