I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
