She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
