He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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