True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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