3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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