My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
