She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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