I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
