Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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