I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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