They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
