its not stalking. its research.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
