and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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