Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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