dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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