Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
