I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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