I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
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Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
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Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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