I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
