My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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