I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
