My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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