I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
