Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
So apparently I’m into choking now
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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