Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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