The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
