There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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