I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
