I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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