i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
