Moan for me like Helen Keller
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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