I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Randomize
