I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
