I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
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After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
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So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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