My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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