READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
