We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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