I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
