I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
