Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
