I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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