at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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