So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
