That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
