i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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