Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
