The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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