It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
