i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
